I’ve completed my first week back at work, well my first four day week back at work anyway. Oh I wish four day weeks were the norm.
I’ve actually really enjoyed it, am I allowed to admit that? Of course it’s hard to leave Amelia, if I could stay home with her gorgeous little squishy face then of course I would but it’s actually not been that difficult sending her to nursery as I thought it would be.
I think it has helped that she has had such a lovely week at nursery, every time my husband collects her she is smiling, playing, and excited to see him. The staff tell him how well she is doing and how much of a pleasure she is to look after. She’s been trying new foods, making craft things to bring home and playing with new babies and new toys. She’s been sleeping for around 2 hours each day (often sleeping straight through lunch) and when I get home she greats me with biggest grin.
It’s only been 4 days but she already puts her arms out for the lady who greets us at the door and she’s too busy looking at the other children and sussing out the breakfast table to even kiss us goodbye.
All of this makes it so much easier to take her back the next morning; I know she’s having the best time because I can see it in her face when I get home. She’s even learnt a new little expression; she screws up her face when she smiles. Something I can only assume she has picked up from a child at nursery in the last couple of days.
As for me, the first drop off was heart breaking, I handed her over and gave her a kiss. I could feel my throat getting tighter and tears in my eyes. I had to leave the room and go to the office before I lost it all together. Luckily the nursery manager had a bill to give me and that snapped me right out of it. Cheers for that!
Work has been a mixed bag of emotions, it’s been so lovely to be with adults and everyone has been so welcoming but it’s also felt incredibly draining. My brain hurts from just trying to remember everything. Trying to think about what I might have forgotten and getting IT access to systems is an on-going saga.
I’ve cried twice at work, thankfully in the privacy of a meeting with my manager so no one else saw me and I’ve called the nursery a few times during the day to check how she’s doing. Each time I called she was asleep, wonder who she takes after…ahem it’s definitely my husband.
So here’s what I’ve enjoyed about being at work this week:
- Dressing up, my office isn’t overly dressed up but it is smart business wear and that has made a nice change from jeans and a milky sick stained top.
- My necklaces, remember I talked about this previously. First thing I did was get out the necklace my husband bought for me and put it on. I’ve now managed to tangle it and can’t yet face trying to fix it. It’s been in my jewellery box for 10 months without a problem and I wore it for 1 day and now it’s a mess. Typical.
- Chatting, of course I chat away to Amelia constantly but she doesn’t answer me and it’s mostly talking about milky, her toys and Billy & Bam Bam from Baby TV so it’s been lovely to talk to adults about grown up things. Turns out I really need to watch Love Island in order to have anything to contribute but it’s been nice to be around adults all the same.
- I’ve been busy, and don’t get me wrong being at home with a baby is bloody busy work but it’s a different kind of busy. I’ve not been thinking about when was the last bottle or does she need a nappy change or has she had enough fresh air today. It’s been hard brain work, excel spread sheets and financial calculations. I’ll admit that by the end of the day my brain is frazzled but I’ll adjust and it’ll become normal again.
- I’ve actually got a really good memory it turns out. I even managed to remember my systems passwords and although I’ve had some IT problems that are a bummer I’m actually really surprised with how much of my job I remember. Once you’re in the thick of it it all comes back to you.
What’s not been so great:
- Public transport, this is a massive boo! I think anyone who gets the train to work will always have a hate/hate relationship with the rail network in this country. The train I am supposed to get home for example has been removed from the schedule, this might be just for this week or it could be a permanent thing. I guess I’ll find out on Monday but it means my journey home is longer and it keeps me away from my baby girl.
- The weather, it’s been pants and whilst that’s ok when you’re stuck in an office for 8 hours it’s totally rubbish to be standing on a station platform for 40 minutes in chilly drizzle. Thank God for people’s Insta-stories keeping me company.
- Evening cramming, I know that every single working parent will have this one on their list. All those jobs that you had all day to do you now have to do in the space of 3 hours when you get home. Trying to juggle spending time with the baby before she goes to bed whilst also making dinner, tidying away, getting a wash done and doing the dishes. Trying to cram in as many housework chores of an evening as possible so that you don’t have it all to do at the weekend.
All in all I’ve had a really great week. I’m so pleased my team have welcomed me back with open arms, it doesn’t feel as weird being back as I thought it would and most of all I’m so glad that Amelia is settling in to nursery so well
Oddly I’m not feeling too exhausted just yet but I know it’s early days and I’m not actually doing any ‘real’ work just yet whilst I’m in training. I also know that the day to day grind of being a full time working mum is going to catch up me at some point, probably next week but for now I’m feeling pretty good about things.