I think I might be starting to sound like a broken record when it comes to my weight loss journey; every week I’m saying it’s a fresh start and I’m going to do better and every week I fall flat of my promises to myself and as a result, this year I’ve managed to almost (4lbs off) gained back all of the weight I lost last year by calorie counting.
I’m absolutely furious with myself, I worked so hard towards the end of last year and I felt so good about myself that to have lost all of that is baffling to me. Why do I seem to be determined to throw away all that effort, to take myself back to a place where I was unhappy, self-conscious, a place where my section scar is painful (I don’t know why but it seems to bother me more when I am carrying more weight around my tummy)
Right from the start of my weight loss journey I always knew why I wanted to do it; I wanted to be healthier for when we were ready to try again for another baby. I wanted to have the best chances of a complication-free labour and quicker recovery if were to have another child. If there is a better reason then I don’t know it and I think I had lost sight of that over recent weeks.
That was until a friend gave me the shock of my life; she had a baby 2 weeks ago and came to visit us at work with her newborn. I don’t know what I was expecting; maybe because I was still unable to walk following my section at two weeks postpartum I wasn’t sure she would be up for the visit but she made it, and she looked incredible.
If not for the tiny perfect bundle in her arms you would never know she had even been pregnant, she was full of energy (as much as you can be when your feeding every 2 hours) and she was out and about within days of giving birth.
Now, before everyone tells me that all births and recoveries are different, I know that! Seeing her made me so happy, it reinforced that birth can be a positive experience and an easy thing to recover from; that it doesn’t have to take too large a toll on your body and you can feel great and enjoy your life with your new baby.
Seeing her has lit a fire in me, it’s the ah-ha moment I’ve been looking for; if I pull up my positive pants now and get back into the headspace of losing weight and getting fit, I can give myself the best possible chance to feel the way she does one day. I can get back to a place where I feel confident and proud of my body, where I don’t feel like people around me are judging me for what I’m eating, where my day isn’t controlled by when and what I’m going to eat.
So, a promise to myself (and to you because I can’t do this without the support you guys give me) I am going to do this! I’m going to focus on my goals and take each day at a time. I’m going to start to work out; at first just more walking and completing the 7-minute workout app each morning but it’s a start and I will see my overall health and fitness improve.
Here’s to wearing summer dresses, to walking up the hill to the office without needing to stop at the top, to being able to carry my toddler when she needs a cuddle without feeling like my back is breaking, here’s to better skin and better sleep, to setting a better example and eating more veggies.
The motto I will live by – If I wouldn’t share half of this with my daughter, I’m not going to eat it.
Rachel xx
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